i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
