we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
