I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
