You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
