I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
NoShamevember. You game?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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