I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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