I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
