ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
