fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
