i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
What a dumb baby whore.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
