The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
