I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
