yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
