i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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