just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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