I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
