its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
