Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
