i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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