just tell him i said nine months
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
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I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
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I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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