The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
