the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We were destined to go to rehab together
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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