Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
