i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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