Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
