I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize