That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
