the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
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That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
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..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The feeling are messing with the penis
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize