I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
