I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
