If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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