I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
