haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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