just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
