Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm bleeding and have questions
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
