imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
