i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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