Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
