A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
