four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
