he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just made my gag reflex go away.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
