Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
