Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
