Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
They took my balls.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
