PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
