my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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