no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
this hospital has no fireball
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
