you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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