Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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