i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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