i was born a porn star she said
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize