Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
