A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
3pm strippers are depressing
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
