Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize