I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
