That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
